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<Discussing VB and/or MS Access in a Programming Forum ⁄ >

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So! You've decide to write a comment about how bad either VB and/or MS Access is in a programming forum! Well, you've come to the right place, I'm here to help. First off, rest assured that you made a great decision: It is very important to mention, as often as you can, how crappy both VB and/or MS Access is in any programming discussion. If this point is not mentioned at least once by each person contributing, then that person runs the risk of being labelled a "newbie". Don't let this happen to you! Let's get to work.

Bashing VB and/or Access is really an art, something that requires intelligence and analytical brain power, and like any art, it takes time to master. Let's go through some of the basic points that you will need to know:

1) VB6, VBScript, VBA, and VB.NET are all the *same*. This is important. They must all be lumped together -- after all, we are discussing "VB", and all of these "programming languages" (note the quotes -- a nice touch that you can use in your posts) start with those same two letters. Heck, even though "QBasic" starts with "QB", let's go ahead and include that one as well. Be sure to understand the short-comings of all of these languages and intermix them freely. For example, I often write things like "any language that makes you write GOSUB 1034 to call a function sucks!" and that pretty much ends the debate right there.

2) MS Access is meant to be a multi-user, robust, enterprise-level database server -- and don't you forget it! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise -- when Microsoft wrote that crappy application, that was their goal -- bring down Oracle! It did not work, of course, and they had to follow it up with SQL Server ... yet, for some reason M$ keeps making new versions of Access, year after year. Why? More money, that's why! It's Micro$oft !! (Important: practice typing the $ in the Micro$oft; if you ommit it, you risk looking like a "newbie" -- remember, our goal is to avoid that!)

3) It is impossible to know, use, or understand either VB and/or Access and also have any kind of formal programming education. That pesky "intellisense" (oops -- "intelli$en$e" -- somehow they are making money off this, right?) is like an addictive drug, and using it will quickly drag you into a dark world of newbie programming where theory, discipline, and knowledge no longer exist. And there is no turning back. Be sure not to forget this -- occasionally a programmer will mention that he or she knows a real programming language like C++ in addition to VB, but that is an attempt at a technique called "misdirection". Don't fall for it. The same goes for T-SQL. If you use or like VB or Access, you simply cannot be a real programmer, it is that simple.

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